There’s a YouTube video called “HOW TO SHAVE YOUR VAGINA!!! + DEMO!” and of course I want to see this miraculous demo because vaginas don’t grow hair.
This is my pet peeve. Actually, I have several pet peeves like up-speak and essays to “my younger self,” but the one that makes me scream at the TV, takes me out of my mindless happy place, is the misuse of the word vagina. And it is, indeed, a word that is very often misused and misunderstood. I watch TV while doing dishes. I do a lot of dishes and recently I had to stop washing to change the channel while watching Drew Barrymore’s portrayal of a zombie real estate salesperson when she said, “I feel like whatever I say is just going to make you push harder against my vagina.” The word Drew should have used instead is vulva. It is time for the world to embrace the vulva and know the difference between the two “V” words. The Guide to Getting it On, by Paul Joannides, includes some amazing explanations about everything sex-related.
Here is a snippet on this topic:
What difference does it make if you call it a vulva, vagina...‘What if parents taught their children that they had no eyes, ears, nose or mouth, but instead gave them one word for their entire face and called it a tongue?’ This would be confusing. And it might suggest that parents are afraid of faces and all the wonderful things they can do. (312-313)
So let’s break down the wonder:
Vagina - A “hollow canal with walls that contain four layers of tissue, nerves and blood vessels.” Dr. Joannides goes on to explain that the vagina changes when aroused, lengthening, tenting and becoming receptive to pressure in the canal. Most importantly, the vagina is not the same as the vulva.
Vulva - Everything that you can see without a speculum (duck bill that is inserted into the vagina to see the cervix). This includes the mons pubis (tissue that sits into the pubic bone), clitoral hood, glans of the clitoris, outer lips (where the hair is/was), inner lips, pee hole (urethra), opening of the vagina and finally the perineum (taint). This is the area that can be grabbed, rubbed or bumped.
Clitoris - Most women, like 85%, do not orgasm from penetration alone, it is clitoral stimulation that usually does the job. The clit consists of several parts. The glans is covered, protected by, the clitoral hood. The entire clitoris is a “wishbone-shaped structure that is around four inches long”. Those lags are called the crura. The bulbs are the third part, they swell with arousal. What’s the most important thing you need to know about your clit? Its sole purpose is pleasure!
I could keep going and get into the urethra and its part in sex play, but that’s a large bladder bag of fun that we can dive into at another time.
And another thing...even OMGYES.com, a site that teaches women how to orgasm refers to the vulvas in their simulations, as vaginas. In the words of Charlie Brown, “Aaugh!” Not that I wouldn’t try the site, but if you are going to educate about genitals, please use the correct terms.
The point is, just like our face is made up of many beautiful features, so are our “private parts” and we should celebrate the beauty and complexity of each one of these parts.
If vulva still feels too clinical for you, practice using the word pussy, let’s not let a word meant to describe something so wondrous be sullied by one man whose name we won’t even mention here. However, if you have children, teach them vulva, vagina, and clitoris. Preschoolers saying pussy is not cool, funny maybe but not cool.
Finally, if someone ever calls you a cunt, a favorite term of a nurse I know, say thank you. Reclaim the word as one protester so aptly did, because according to her, and me, it means you have depth and warmth.
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